Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Out of the rut!
Friday, December 19, 2008
A few reasons I'm ready to do this:
1. This dr much nicer about it. Took the time to talk me through it. Related it to what he went through with his son.
2. I'm losing my mind. I have hit a low point and hope to now bounce up.
However I'm not going hardcore. We helped him get to sleep at 8. Then he was on his own and we did not pick him up once when he woke up. He cried himself back to sleep but it only took a couple of minutes. Much better than the non stop screaming when we tried to let him cry himself to sleep.
We will continue to help him to sleep for a little while. Then after we get better at night sleeping we'll work on that. I can't go hardcore with hours of screaming.
We'll see how it goes. I hope we have turned a corner towards adequate sleep.
P.S. glad to read Nie surgery sucessful!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sleepless nights
Recently I have hit a low point in the motherhood journey. Because my now almost 6-month old son Never sleeps. He does not nap for longer than 20 minutes during the day - although on a good day sometimes he makes it 45 min. This has been going on since about 6 weeks of age.
Up all night
At night he is up every hour or more. Sometimes every 20 minutes. The best we do at night is two hours. This has been going since about 3 months and each month it gets progressivly worse.
Needless to say I am exhausted! How do I get him to sleep? Our doctor looked at me like I was a silly first time mom and kept telling Dawson "You've got mommy wrapped around your little finger." Like it is my fault. I told her how often he is up and then told her he is going to daycare two days a week now so that I can get some sleep. And then she said oh is it really that bad? Did she not hear me say every 20 minutes? She said just let him scream it out he can scream for hours.
First of all.. Not a fan of this technique. Second IT'S NOT WORKING!!!
Advice...please!!
So first on my agenda find a new dr who listens to me. And ask for help!! Does anyone else have this problem? What have you done to get your baby to sleep better? I can use all the good advice I can get.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Winter woods
Walked in the woods and then watched the sun set over the lake. Beautiful! The winter woods were very peaceful. Winter is actually my favorite time of the year to be in the woods. I love to go around dusk. If you are quiet you can hear an owl hoot, coyotes call, the wind rustle the tree branches high above while I am nestled safe from the wind in the forrest. Sometimes I even run across deer gatheredin herds in the darkening woods. Amazing. It always fills me with such peace to watch the dark cold river flow by among the big old trees. I even love the way the woods smell at winter.
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost
Friday, December 12, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Goodbye dear friend
This morning my friend Amelia called to deliver some bad news. Tobey, her four-year-old Golden Retriever, died early this morning. Poor Tobey. He was such a good, sweet little dog. He loved to go to Homer Lake and play in the water. This Spring, Amelia and I along with my five stepchildren took Toby to Homer Lake. He was so excited to play with the kids and they loved him too. They were all throwing sticks in the water for him so fast he didn't know which one to chase down first. He had a blast and so did the kids.
Tobey's passing reminded me of when I lost me Golden Retriever, Tallulah, aka Lu. She too was very young, almost four. She died only a few short months after my father had passed making it incredibly hard to loose her. I was living six hours away at the time and mom called to say that Lu was not doing well and that I would need to make the decision about her. I went to the Vet's office and spent some time alone with her. She was in so much pain. I couldn't let her suffer. I sat on the floor of the surgery room and stroked her head on my lap while I cried hysterically. I couldn't stand to loose her right after I had lost my dad. I was heartbroken. She loved me so much. I was HER person.
Lu stealing Caleb's seat
The Vet's were so kind. And they felt so bad. The last time they had seen me was at my dad's visitation. They knew what a struggle we had been through with him and now Lu. I wish that I had stayed with her but I didn't think I could take it. My heart still breaks when I think about leaving her. She tried to go with me because she thought I was there to take her home. More than a year later I am sitting here writing this sobbing. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I'm so sorry Amelia. Tobey was a great dog. A great friend and he will be missed!
This is a forward I was sent after I lost Lu. It is a tear-jerker but it always made me feel better when I read it. It has a good message.
Here it is:
A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life --like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Be always grateful for each new day.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY !
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thankful today
my son, as usual, had a very hard time going to sleep and staying asleep. After many ups I finally got him to sleep for the night and just held him and rocked in the rocking chair for a while because I love to cherish moments like those. He won't be this small forever. He is so sweet. I watched adorable smiles flicker across his sweet little face sometimes he even laughs in his sleep, so cute. I adore his chubby cheeks, little red lips and beautiful eyelashes. He is such a beautiful child. And despite all our sleeping problems and my frustrations over my complete lack of sleep I wouldn't trade a single moment.
Today
I am thankful for ( in no particular order):
1. My husband he is so sweet and creative and patient with my crazy/hormonal spells. He likes to leave me these great little notes stuck to the fridge with a clothes pin.
2. My beautiful, healthy and big baby boy. He get's his sweet disposition from his father and his looks from ME of course. Oh and probably his sleep issues from me too.
3. My smart dog. I have started calling our walks strolls after I discovered she can spell walk. Plus she makes me feel safe in our spooky, creeky house.
Now the baby, dog and I are going to go for a walk, I mean stroll, and enjoy this fine day.
Monday, September 15, 2008
A great mom
In stolen moments (my infant makes it hard for me to concentrate on much of anything but him) I cruised through her blog. I was struck by what an awesome person she is. Really, she seems like such a fun mom. Motherhood can be challenging, as I am learning, but she really focuses on the positive aspects of being a mom. And she just seems like so much fun too.
I love that she had a back-to-school party for her two daughters. They made cute little crowns full of glitter and pretty cutouts to wear on their strut down the living room catwalk while showing off their new school clothes. Then she finished it off with a fantastic dinner complete with a chocolate cake, yum!
I have been following her blog since then. Her sister has been re posting old blogs and today I clicked on one originally posted in March. Stephanie, one of her sisters, and their children made up happy fortunes for the people of downtown Mesa. Fortunes like: "Someone loves you" or "You are beautiful" etc.
These lovely fortunes were hand-written on strips of paper with little pictures by the children and had a little sticker that says "read me." They hid these fortunes all over the downtown area with the hopes that people would find them and it would make them smile. How great! I am so impressed with that! Not only are they making other people happy, completely selflessly, but think about the great lessons she is teaching her children. I hope that I can be a fun, creative mom like her.
My thoughts are with the Nielson family. I hope that Stephanie and Christian can get home to their beautiful children soon.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
It just comes naturally
I remember when we brought Dawson home from the hospital not too long ago. I was so happy to have him home, but also a little scared to leave the cocoon of our hospital room with the safety of help only as far away as the push of a button.
The birth of their daughter reminds me quite a bit of our own labor experience. Sunday night when we came home from my mother's (mom takes the baby on Saturday night and I get a full night's sleep! Completely unheard of these days, so we go a lot) anyway we were bringing in all the 50 million things it takes to travel with an infant and they were entertaining in their backyard. Jared told us the due date was Saturday and their weekend flew on by and still no baby. So Monday night they were to go to the hospital to be induced Tuesday morning.
The similarities to my experience were almost strange. My due date was Saturday, June 21 and I went in that following Monday night and was given medicine to help me dilate, which didn't help but did send me into labor right away. I was given pitocin the next morning. My labor was really pretty awful, completely worth it, but really long and hard and ended in a c-section. I was hoping the neighbor's would be much easier! But I spoke to her family this afternoon and they said she had to have a c-section too. I felt so bad for her! But she is home today so everything must be going well for her and I am glad.
My labor lasted on to Wednesday morning, we think about 38 hours total and then at 7:05 June 25 our beautiful baby boy was born. He has grown and changed so much in that small amount of time. And I have grown and changed as a mother. I started out scared to even change his diaper, let alone bathe him. But now, eleven weeks later, I feel super confident with him. I know as he grows we will encounter moments I am not sure how to handle. But I've learned that really it just comes naturally. It's on the job training.